Low-Status = Porn

A better perspective

This year, this entire project of self-development is shifting away from building the foundations for change, and going deeper into acheiving it directly. There are still important theoretical insights that I will be expanding upon, such as:

1. Part 3 of Playing a Different Game: explaining the real nature of desire and emotional leverage

2. Part 2 of Pride, Power, and Status: exploring the moral implications of social power

3. Understanding instincts: developing a better understanding of the deep psychological roots of behaviors

However, I believe I have more than enough knowledge by now to really start untangling the mess of bad patterns and impulses for good.

This will all be based on one key insight which based on my previous small successes, I believe to be the only way to really cement permanent change. It is not enough to know that certain behaviors or impulses are undesireable, they must feel truly repulsive. The problem that most men, including myself, face when trying to change is never being able to get their emotional side to agree fully with the changes. Even knowing something is bad, feeling bad about doing it, and wanting to change, is generally not enough on its own. As Vox says in regards to the stability of behavioral patterns:

“Most fat people can't stop stuffing their faces for a few hours even when they know their behavior won't lead to the outcome they prefer; how much harder is it for a man to change his instinctive behaviors established in his formative years when there is no immediate negative consequence to most of his actions?”

The attempt to limit something as mundane as eating food is good evidence for the inherent difficulty of change, people’s incompetence in change, or both

I would also add that there is a crucial lack of positive consequences too, but the point stands. The truth about these bad behaviors and the failed attempts at changing them are, despite what we would prefer to believe:

• We do not fully know that something is bad

• We do not yet fully feel bad about doing it

• We do not yet fully want to change

All of the elements are there for most people, the issue is with intensity and committment. It is by fulfilling these three things that change becomes a certainty, because all of that emotional and compulsive energy that would normally perpetuate the habit, then go into rejecting it.

If this point seems unlikely, consider Mark Queppet’s example of the turd sandwich. The turd sandwich is a thought experiment meant to show how deceptive rationalizations, a distorted perspective, and a short-term mentality perpetuate obviously bad behaviors. Imagine a sandwich that looks delicious from the outside. There is nothing stopping you from eating it. Now imagine that you somehow come to the knowledge that there is a turd inside the sandwich. Because this fact is indisputable, it becomes impossible to eat the sandwich without being insane or still somehow deceived about the nature of yourself, the sandwich, or feces. It is this fullness of knowledge that creates the emotional intensity, and therefore the positive and negative consequences, to reject the turd sandwich.

The immediate appeal of many bad behaviors is obvious

To take an example from my own life, it was not until I felt thoroughly disgusted with my abuse of my phone that I could stop endlessly scrolling, bed rotting, or engaging in other meaningless activities. It has been over a year since I can remember ever doing anything wrong with my phone. Going back the old behaviors feels more than just wrong, but on some level, impossible in the long-term. The motivation just does not exist. There are no tricks or deceptions that can make me feel like I could or should go back to the old way of doing things. When you know there is a turd in the sandwich, all you can see is the turd.

As another example, the ultimate turd sandwich in this day and age for most men is almost certainly online pornography. It is a habit that often develops in the formative years, has incredible emotional leverage, and is extremely easy to engage in. Most men, despite their best efforts, cannot kick it. By failing to kick this habit, they lose time, dignity, and vitality. The effects compound until you are like this teacher in India. There is however, a way out, and that way is something I have detailed before in the metascripting article. The same principles apply for less and more serious habits. When you see a bad thing for what it objectively is, the resistance will come.

“…and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

If long-time porn abusers can quit for good, then I am confident that most, perhaps even all, deleterious, low-status, un-masculine behaviors can also be beat. The key is in understanding the true nature of something, whether it be your own desires, the behavior, or the natural consequences. Victory seems likely when all bad behaviors have become as vile and as unthinkable as porn to the ex-user. Completely altering a low-status profile may be much more difficult than even quitting porn; it may be more like trying to quit porn twenty or thirty times, but even if it takes my entire life, I am not stopping until I can live without the regret, the pain, and the dishonor of the low-status life.