Depends on where you live, and this is definitely more difficult in urban settings, but try greeting people who you pass. Just a "Good Morning", "Good Afternoon", or "Hi". Do this for couples or small groups of people.
Make eye contact with the male of the group for a second as you are about to pass, then say "hi" or "'Morning", and keep walking.
If they say nothing, that is fine. You are not lessened by it; you offered a common human courtesy, and they were either surprised or even slightly taken aback.
If they return the greeting, even better. You control the situation in offering the greeting, and in case they greet you first, you are prepared to return a greeting to them.
You might find this heartening for your day. You establish control of a small interaction that will likely be neutral or even slightly positive (getting a greeting in return) for both parties.
As you said, you may never meet these people again. That short greeting could be the only interaction you will have with them, so you lose nothing in most situations by saying 'hello' and walking on your way.
To add to that, I know another social exercise is to ask people, "Do you know the time?". It gets you used to making a demand of other people in a social context and you are likely to learn that most people can be accommodating and if they were so sour they can't even answer that question you realize quickly it was a 'them' problem and not 'you'. And most of the time, as the post said, people regard your life with the same attention they give to asking them the time. That is to say a momentary distraction but nothing to be remembered.
In my household we call this "being the one who doesn't care the most". When you focus so much attention on what other people think of you, you completely lose sight of what you think of them.
A related concept is the Power of Invisibility. Most people are far too busy worrying about the impression they're making on other people to even spare a thought for what you're up to. Understanding that nobody's looking or paying attention is really freeing, and helps to tamp down the social anxiety.
"The truth is: people very seldom care. This realization, while completely true, was not yet digestable to my emotional self. Ascending to the fact that the fear was irrational was easy, but that alone was not convincing enough to force a true change in my emotional responses."
I know enough about ADHD to see who has it. First, you're bullied for being too weird. You're too extra. This happens in the teenage years. You don't get what or how you do it wrong, and it's automatic. So you act out, your mouth is too quick, you do something, and you lose the friends you have got. You don't get invited to birthday parties, you don't. No one wants to play with you. You're too much this and too little that. It's nothing personal. Friendship is optional. And only the best, the toughest teachers know how to handle you. Only they know where you will thrive.
To be tolerated again by normal people, you develop extra good and redeeming qualities. Or else you get no friends. They don't care, you must live and be fine with that. Make a dramatic scene, and you're out in the cold again. It's nothing personal towards anyone in the group. Everyone tolerates those who've got bad traits when they do much good for everyone else. You scratch my back and I scratch yours. So save that drama for the psychologist and the doctor who gives you the medicine for your ADHD. Save it for those professionals who are paid to get you.
And as big men with strong backs carry heavy loads for others, those who have ADHD, grow strong, get paid and serve the similarly normal people. You have to learn to be professional and be okay with the indifference. It's possible to feel good at being very competent with something, and at the same time, struggle with personal feelings about indifference.
One of the benefits of covid was growing a handlebar mustache to redirect the hatred of the maskies when I went to the store. I would just think how ridiculous I looked and imagine how they must be smiling when they were staring at me with "the look". Of course it was easy because I couldn't see their faces and I would smile too!
A couple years past I've noticed I don't pay any attention to my facial expression anymore which was a bad habit to begin with.
it blew my mind to realize people care more about basketball games than the fact that their children are being fed soylent green in the cafeteria. most of us are just control freaks in it for the thrill. 90% of people could not talk for 3 days at a time and nothing would change. what kind of physical shape are you in?
Depends on where you live, and this is definitely more difficult in urban settings, but try greeting people who you pass. Just a "Good Morning", "Good Afternoon", or "Hi". Do this for couples or small groups of people.
Make eye contact with the male of the group for a second as you are about to pass, then say "hi" or "'Morning", and keep walking.
If they say nothing, that is fine. You are not lessened by it; you offered a common human courtesy, and they were either surprised or even slightly taken aback.
If they return the greeting, even better. You control the situation in offering the greeting, and in case they greet you first, you are prepared to return a greeting to them.
You might find this heartening for your day. You establish control of a small interaction that will likely be neutral or even slightly positive (getting a greeting in return) for both parties.
As you said, you may never meet these people again. That short greeting could be the only interaction you will have with them, so you lose nothing in most situations by saying 'hello' and walking on your way.
Great advice, especially the eye contact. Roissy from the old PUA days reccomended the same thing
To add to that, I know another social exercise is to ask people, "Do you know the time?". It gets you used to making a demand of other people in a social context and you are likely to learn that most people can be accommodating and if they were so sour they can't even answer that question you realize quickly it was a 'them' problem and not 'you'. And most of the time, as the post said, people regard your life with the same attention they give to asking them the time. That is to say a momentary distraction but nothing to be remembered.
Very interesting suggestion
You’re honest, observant, and self-aware. The three essentials for this kind of journey.
In my household we call this "being the one who doesn't care the most". When you focus so much attention on what other people think of you, you completely lose sight of what you think of them.
A related concept is the Power of Invisibility. Most people are far too busy worrying about the impression they're making on other people to even spare a thought for what you're up to. Understanding that nobody's looking or paying attention is really freeing, and helps to tamp down the social anxiety.
I am really enjoying this series you've started.
Yo, Megaman, u done anything yet? Like gym or w/e?
I do go to the gym
Promising writing. Have you ever read anything by Nathaniel Branden?
He was a psychotherapist from Canada. Dated and bedded Ayn Rand. His practice was focused towards improving peoples self esteem.
He saw the lack of it as something worthy of "chronic sickness status" since its so vital for a persons life.
I can recommend his book 'Honour the self'. Helped me alot.
I have not but thank you very much for the reccomendation
"The truth is: people very seldom care. This realization, while completely true, was not yet digestable to my emotional self. Ascending to the fact that the fear was irrational was easy, but that alone was not convincing enough to force a true change in my emotional responses."
I know enough about ADHD to see who has it. First, you're bullied for being too weird. You're too extra. This happens in the teenage years. You don't get what or how you do it wrong, and it's automatic. So you act out, your mouth is too quick, you do something, and you lose the friends you have got. You don't get invited to birthday parties, you don't. No one wants to play with you. You're too much this and too little that. It's nothing personal. Friendship is optional. And only the best, the toughest teachers know how to handle you. Only they know where you will thrive.
To be tolerated again by normal people, you develop extra good and redeeming qualities. Or else you get no friends. They don't care, you must live and be fine with that. Make a dramatic scene, and you're out in the cold again. It's nothing personal towards anyone in the group. Everyone tolerates those who've got bad traits when they do much good for everyone else. You scratch my back and I scratch yours. So save that drama for the psychologist and the doctor who gives you the medicine for your ADHD. Save it for those professionals who are paid to get you.
And as big men with strong backs carry heavy loads for others, those who have ADHD, grow strong, get paid and serve the similarly normal people. You have to learn to be professional and be okay with the indifference. It's possible to feel good at being very competent with something, and at the same time, struggle with personal feelings about indifference.
One of the benefits of covid was growing a handlebar mustache to redirect the hatred of the maskies when I went to the store. I would just think how ridiculous I looked and imagine how they must be smiling when they were staring at me with "the look". Of course it was easy because I couldn't see their faces and I would smile too!
A couple years past I've noticed I don't pay any attention to my facial expression anymore which was a bad habit to begin with.
it blew my mind to realize people care more about basketball games than the fact that their children are being fed soylent green in the cafeteria. most of us are just control freaks in it for the thrill. 90% of people could not talk for 3 days at a time and nothing would change. what kind of physical shape are you in?