Fear of a Dark Lord
Exposing and analyzing my fear of authority
The OMEGA fears authority. Most of us were badly betrayed by the ones entrusted with our protection and mentorship. The authorities are figures to be placated constantly or avoided entirely. For me, the fear of their rageful disaproval is often paralyzing. It is only until the last year or so that I have made an effort to overcome what is almost always an irrational compulsion.
Creating this blog was an act of defiance against this fear. I was quite paranoid about what others would think, particularly the author of this blog’s inspiration, Vox Day of Sigma Game. He is the authority on the topic and I do respect him. What would he think?
“Are YOU trying to parasitize from MY audience?”
“Is this some kind of PRETENDER?”
“What makes you some SELF APPOINTED expert?”
All these thoughts elicited feelings of shame, fear, guilt, and sadness.
Upon rational examination, this was self centered, paranoid thinking. If anything, Vox Day’s reaction would probably be something like slight satisfaction, amusement, or perhaps indifference. But the idea that he, someone I have never met and am not beholden to, would be angry at me, was genuinely upsetting.
The first step in changing your self defeating behavioral patterns is recognizing that they are happening in the first place. Then, you can work out within yourself the cost of courage in doing the action that is feared along with accepting the reprecussions.
Hopefully all OMEGAS can learn to slowly overcome the fear of authority.
Excellent post. My first impulse is to offer encouragement and tell you think better of yourself and stop putting yourself down. But I imagine that you've been told that before.
It is my opinion only that people who have excess social fear or are easily intimidated by others are suffering from a problem with their internal "burden of proof" circuit.
I may have this wrong but I think that what often happens is that the specific type of Omega thinking you are describing can come from a person imputing more authority and status to others than they maybe deserve, while simultaneously discrediting themselves or second-guessing their own abilities.
I have observed that the truly high-status are often less to be feared and more gracious than those further down because they are secure in their status. It is the mid-status people who are often the most vicious strivers, and the ones who are the most careless - or intentional - in stomping on others who they perceive as lower status.
Some are not even stomping on the lower status, but are merely insensitive to those around them. Most people are not very empathetic to those around them as they are too absorbed in their own fears or ambitions.
This will be one of the first things to overcome - far fewer people are assessing or judging you than you may perceive. And most of the time, you may be unconsciously transmitting your self-perception and people will latch onto that and it becomes self-fulfilling. Your biggest opponent is an internal one.
It is a cliche to say that the road ahead is long and hard. But that would be wrong. It is likely short and hard. I don't say that to be humorous. You have to beat the internal enemy that has convinced you that you are less and that you deserve to be regarded as such.
Once you are past that, you get to a trickier point - your reaction to that. People who have been betrayed or abused can react very counter-productively once they get their internal orientation right. You're going to have to forgive some people, and let some other things go - not because it is wrong to want to call it out, but because it will be a distraction to your progress.
I often think that some Omega men have a sort of "reverse narcissism", in that rather than always feeling like they should be superior, they truly feel like they are deserving of being regarded as lower.
There is most likely nothing about you that makes you any different than the majority of the rest of us. You are entitled to the same level of respect and regard as any of us other average guys. Aim for the middle and you will be surprised how satisfying it can be. If you can make it higher, then good for you as well.
Wishing you all the best on your journey. I've had many Omega friends over the years but none have ever had the courage to overcome their limitations, may you pave the way for others to follow. Kudos and God Bless you.