Currently, one of my greatest personal hurdles in exhibiting a more desired pattern of behavior is tremendous social ineptitude. In particular, it is extremely difficult for me to show any warmth towards strangers or even loved ones, making me appear standoffish or downright creepy. If I do manage to strike up a conversation with someone, I am fidgeting, making self soothing gestures, obsessing over what the other person thinks about me, and am generally unable to focus. As a naturally introverted person, it is overly easy to simply avoid having to talk to anyone when it is not absolutely required, which perpetuates the ineptitude.
Over the years, this behavior has completely stripped me of most social prospects. If allowed to continue, this mode of being will leave me with a life that I hate and constantly want to escape from. This situation is now completely intolerable and must be amended before these behaviors cement themselves any further. I am still a young adult, so there is still hope to make a strong tunraround.
This summer will be dedicated to overcoming obstacles with socialization like my social anxiety and oratory ineptitude. Here is the first iteration of the plan that I will be using to rapidly develop my social skills in a concentrated, sustained, and adaptable way. Most days over the summer, with some exceptions, will be dedicated to these exercises:
Voice preparation
Vocal exercises so my voice sounds strong and clear
Flowverlapping or recorded mimicry practice of skilled, high status speakers
Conversation preparation
Get emotional and intellectual clarity on conversation goals. I am starting small for now and focusing on the basics like removing filler like “uhh” and “umm” from sentences. Body language objectives will also be targeted.
Examine the previous session’s failures found in the analysis phase and prepare for them with Mark Queppet’s highly effective preemptive metascripting
Socialize
Will happen in real life and online venues, though online is most accessible and less draining so that will be the main focus for now
Will try to record myself when it is possible and ethical
Analysis
Conversation will be analyzed to see if objectives were met and if any mistakes were made
Correction
Make a Queppet retroactive metascript to correct the bad mindsets, bad habits, and mistakes found in analysis
Mistakes will be recorded for next session
Point out success to encourage myself
I have struggled greatly to sound persuasive, so hopefully this process gives me the skill and confidence needed to at least communicate effectively with others. The plan will be tweaked and improved as time goes on.
With a system and a more healthy mindset that allow me to properly handle and process failure, I am genuinely excited to get out there and see what happens.
If anyone has any questions about the efficacy of metascripting, I would be happy to explain it more detail.
You have a plan outlined and laid down a path toward your goals. One consideration for you at some point along your development is to focus on the other person, working to discover more about them in the course of a conversation. Look for cues they give you such as what they do for a living or a hobby they enjoy. The person says they are a carpenter; ask them about their work. Ask a question that might have popped into your head about carpentry. Do they see prospects for new people entering the trade? People typically enjoy talking about what they do for a living or an avocation. Look for a hook to have that person talk to you a bit more than you speak to them. Pay attention to how they speak, their posture, and how they interact with others if you are in a group.
This might help you pull your thoughts and focus away from yourself while conversing. While you are concentrating on improving your speech, your mannerisms, and your interactions, allowing others to carry a larger portion of the conversational load can lighten your cognitive load in your early interactions. It might also help you be more relaxed, as it gives you a few moments of conversational pause. As an introvert, I understand how draining social interactions can be at times. If you can make it a more fun experience by learning new things about other people, you may find the journey is slightly easier.
"In particular, it is extremely difficult for me to show any warmth towards strangers or even loved ones, making me appear standoffish or downright creepy."
Try reading the book of John in the Bible, and don't get tied up in chapter and verse, but read it as a story. Each time you see the word love, check into the Greek and see what was the original word. It's mainly going to be eros, phileo or agape. Learn about those words and pay attention to each scenario they are used, it's very enlightening for social interactions.
If you are a Christian pray that God will cultivate within you these 3 traits. Over time you will start catching yourself feeling increased compassion for others.